Beth Likes It
– Ch. 05
In which Beth discovers how much it can hurt…
Then, with the camera still following me, I signed the papers. With the first signature, I signed my freedom over to my ex-husband, so from now on I would have no more rights than a child or a pet. And with the second signature, I signed away any chance of claiming, ever, that I was not a fully willing participant in any sexual abuse, rape, torture, or injury he may ever, for the rest of my natural life, want to put me through. Even changing my body surgically was entirely his choice, or injecting me with strange drugs to increase my libidinal drive or my sensitivity to the pain or sexual stimulation. Or even giving me to someone else, or to a group of perverted men! Or just selling me!
I could not breathe, but I lifted my pen, and as I did it I knew I was falling into a trap. I was stepping deliberately into a trap! And I knew I would suffer, continuously, forever. But I signed it, and I smiled viciously as I did it, as I raised my pen and did that horrible thing to myself. I wanted my disgusting, needy, leaky vagina and the rest of my insane, sex-addicted body, along with my stupid, idiotic, depraved mind, to suffer as much as humanly possible. Even more than humanly possible, I wanted my humanity stripped away from me, to be reduced to nothing, lower than an animal, lower than a whore. I would be nothing more than Ben’s ultimate fantasy pussy-slave, his willing victim, his rape-slut, his torture-slut, his sickening, perverted fuck-doll that he could brutalize and destroy every night, just to patch me up and start all over the next morning. And at the end, he could pass me along to the next guy, or group of guys.
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january josephine 