january josephine

my stories are for adults who can tell the difference between fantasy and reality. in real life i am a BDSM person and i have unusual responses to certain kinds of pain. i’ll never know whether i’m just wired abnormally or whether my responsiveness is due to some early sexualized trauma i experienced as a teenager, but either way this is who i am now, and these are my real sexual fantasies, and i love them.

if my writing frightens or sickens you, i get it. my freaky sex fantasies are disturbing to most people. that’s why they are just fantasies… that and the fact that they are not very realistic (and not intended to be). in any case, as they say: “don’t try this at home!”

i write in first person most of the time, and in an imaginative sense my narrators tend to be fictional stand-ins for me, but they are not me. even when i use my own name in a story, i am not really referring to my actual everyday self. there are exceptions to this – occasionally i write a true story about something that actually happened to me – but even the ones based on truth usually have a fictional element. as Truman Capote said, “never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”

in real life, i am a person who was lonely for a very long time, with no sexual or romantic connections that mattered to me at all. my entire adult sex life consisted of about 200 awful one night stands.

even to this day i have never been married or even had a boyfriend. it is only through my writing that i have been able to reach out and find some people who i can connect with as the person i truly am, “maladjusted” sexuality and all. what began as thrill seeking and kinky self-exposure eventually became much more, and the friendships and virtual relationships that sprung up magically out of my computer screen now mean the world to me. connections i have made through sites like Imagefap and Literotica have been deeply gratifying to me, and i believe the erotic exchanges that we make here can be both real and healthy. even when – and perhaps especially when – the subjects of our fascination are almost universally condemned.

while i am now “out” on line, in the course of my day-to-day life i have remained closeted. my clumsy attempts to out myself at work and in my personal life have been disastrous. if you acquaint yourself with my writing it will become obvious that a woman is not safe speaking her truth if her truth is anything like mine. keeping it all private works for most people, i suppose, but there was a point in my life that it no longer worked for me: i just couldn’t make the connections necessary to keep me alive and happy without having a community of people who understand me, and who think I can potentially be sexy. I need to live in a world in which I can be viewed as sexy, and not just as some “damaged piece of work”.

So thank you, internet.❤️

for all the arguments we hear about how the internet is affecting our sex lives in negative ways, here is my story, which i pose as a counter-example.

i am very happy that there seems to be a small group of intelligent people who really like my stories, get that they are just fantasies, and, i believe, get a genuine thrill from reading them.

if you feel guilty about the sexual feelings they inspire, please know that making you feel excited is my intention, and i get a huge thrill out of writing them for you. i really, really love that some of you guys (and gals) are genuinely getting aroused by reading my stories! no one was hurt or abused in the making of these fictional stories, and in real life i am strongly against violence or non-consensual sex of any kind. and you should be too.

and i am even more against ever involving anyone under the age of 18 in any sexual situation whatsoever, much less in the abusive situations i sometimes write about. in fact, i wouldn’t even be writing about underage sex, except that i was personally traumatized by a good dose of it myself, and in my case, it seems to be therapeutic to convert my real experiences, which were awful, into delicious sexual fantasies. it is a way of “reclaiming control and ownership of my sexuality”, according to my therapist.

also know that I have been enjoying most of these fantasies for years, without writing them down and without any company. and that’s okay too… depending on circumstances it may be a person’s only safe choice. but please don’t feel guilty about joining me in my pleasure (even if it is unrealistic, immoral, and perverse!)

the companionless life is over for me at this point, and i am happy to find guys who will “go there” with me… even to these darkest and most harrowing places. if you feel interested in me, read my stories and shoot me an email… i am not impossible to reach, and i enjoy making connections.❤️

thanks for listening…
sorry for ranting…
please enjoy my stories and other blog entries…

sincerely,

-jan