slowly
i just want to be slowly tortured, unyieldingly, by a group of terrible sadists.
i don’t want anything else; this would be my life. and the torture would be continuous, aside from medically necessary rest periods… i would experience agony, unrelenting, at the hands of real sadists who want nothing more than to hurt a female body.
there would be no limits, none imposed by me anyway; i would have zero rights to do that, absolutely no self-determinacy whatsoever. but the group would have an agreement among themselves to keep me intact and functional and in relatively good health, with the aim of keeping me alive as long as possible. this way my tortures would last forever, or at least there would be the sense that they would never end.
limitless, unending torture is what i want, what i fantasize about nightly, and what i fantasized about as a young woman too, believing i was going to hell. limitless burning and rape by demons with whips and ass-stabbing pitchforks, that’s what i thought i was getting and what i imagined, gleefully, that i deserved.
but i’d modify this now: it would be better if there were orgasms too, amid the pain… and if i was made to humiliate myself by begging for them, begging to cum. orgasms withheld until edging becomes it’s own form of agony, when the release is infinitely deferred, or almost infinitely. release deferred until my body learns to cum during, and at least partially triggered by, the excruciating pain.
my fantasy is that it would eventually all become one, the cumming, the pain, the shame and humiliation… and that i would never fully and satisfyingly orgasm, but rather be suspended in a state of arousal so intense that each horrid blow or burn or pierce would become part of one prolonged orgasm, the unbearable pain spurring it to new heights, so that my screams of agony and pleasure would become one single, wailing, unending plea for mercy, a mercy that will never arrive, not during my lifetime.
and in the afterlife… who knows?
is Satan’s penis hotter than molten steel? is it sheathed in barbed fish-hooks? is it larger in girth than the trunks of trees? does he cum lava? there were rumors floating around that only the girls heard, only the good girls who lived, loved, and attended church in the small religious community where i grew up.
painting of january cunis by furdegree
11 responses to “slowly”
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Do you think your body-weight could be suspended from your nipples? It’d be fun to hang you upside-down and slowly trickle increasingly hot oil down the insides of your thighs, with a spreader in your pussy to help catch the searing drips… Do you really fantasise about thick cocks, or is Jan getting fucked just a vicarious pleasure, knowing that the man fucking you is getting what he wants at your expense?
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What an erotic idea – neverending stimulation. The idea that a person can be “suspended in a state of arousal” for an indefinite period of time… I can see why women can have multiple orgasms. They’re literally built for this.
And this is something I never thought that I would ponder. The devilish nature of Satan’s penis. Your descriptions of it, and my imagination running wild on its use, is incredibly titillating. That women think about it at all also gets the blood pumping.
For some reason, I’m reminded of Bosch’s Harrowing of Hell. But your vision of it is much more agreeable.
Also, well done furdegree. Your art evokes a certain something. Very impressive in my eyes. I like that in this piece, the burning red cross on the hot poker is imminently arriving on tender flesh, but the object of its torture, in her eyes and mouth, convey a scared hunger or want. I may be mistaken, but she does seem to be a little wet as well.
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Oh yes, it’s working, Jan..in more ways than one!😉 That’s a good idea,
furdegree, increasing the heat of the oil as it drips down Jan’s thighs…
and Jammintoohard1 it isn’t just that women can have multiple orgasms, the really impressive thing about the female body is that it can be kept in an orgasmic state, continuously, for a least several hours on end! In your case, jan, ultimately you want agony & ecstacy perfectly mixed, each new torture driving you to new hights assuring that you wont fall out of that state. And of course the humiliation of having to beg for this! One interesting thing to note, as well, is that even a purely pleasurable orgasm can become torturous if it goes on long enough, just because of the strain and exhaustion it imposes on the body.
I see this is a really hot fantasy, but honestly, I see problems with actually implementing it in real life. The basic problem? Living your whole life this way means letting your pain fetish crowd out everything else. The humiliation fetish gets a little play, when you’re made to beg to cum, but nothing else. All this is taking place in a dungeon somewhere behind closed doors. And there’s so much more scope for humiliation in public! Like Beth pissing herself in the classroom, being forced to display her ignorance of geometry, her obscene tattoos, her unwashed stench…on and on and on. If I were in charge of Club SufferWell, with Jan Cunis as Chief Victim, I’d map out a program of development for you to first get your body in top condition so it can take more abuse, then increase your lust so you’re even less able to control your desires,(growing your clit will help a lot with that!) then make sure all your fetishes are fully indulged in, including the K9 and Exploitation fetishes that you’ve hardly begun to explore yet. And as for your writing career–thanks for posting the Red Flags story BTW–I want to read multiple novels & many short stories from you–so no slacking off!❤️
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“Living your whole life this way means letting your pain fetish crowd out everything else.”
okay guys, i’m vaguely predisposed to “fictionalizing”, which is probably why story writing comes naturally to me. BUT it confuses me when people don’t automatically realize that not everything i say is literally true.
everything i say is emotionally true, and the things i recount are true (i.e. “crotch rope”), but when i say “i don’t want anything else; this would be my life.”
i mean, i don’t know…
let me put it this way: if there were an organization that offered opportunities for women like me to fulfill such devastating personal fantasies and make them real, i would be very tempted… almost irresistibly so.
but these extreme feelings of mine need to be regarded as fantasies, because otherwise i get confused and think maybe i’m sitting here lying to my friends.
i need to ask of you, of all of you, to allow me to get carried away with my masochistic feelings, and to use your sane, adult intelligence to know when i might not be speaking literally.
please take this to heart. i am not a liar, but i am a fictionalizer, and i embellish and i leave out context even when i am telling the truth. and when i’m talking about my desires, i may just be saying “i yearn desperately for this”, or “i think of this all the time and fantasize constantly about something like this actually happening to me”… But, in real life?
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oh my gosh cthultivator!
you’ve given me a lot to think about…
um… how does a person “grow” her clit? mine is tiny… can i make it bigger? will it make me more excitable, or somehow increase my pleasure?
i am interested even if not, because i would like to have a bigger area to clamp and stuff… i can’t make a binder clamp stay on, even.
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Jan, I’m sorry if I gave the impression that I was seriously worried that you were going to go completely off the deep end with this and do nothing but wallow in endless pain/pleasure if you ever got the chance. I think the tone of my reply was seriously off… Please 🙏 let your masochistic fantasies fly!! 💕
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i sort of knew that cthultivator… i just felt a need to point that out to everyone… because i’m fairly sure there are a lot of “lurkers” reading my blog. as you know, for awhile i was going off the deep end… but now i’m in therapy. and it was intensive therapy for awhile, three times per week! i am doing a lot better now… for instance i am not actively seeking to be abducted and tortured by psychos!!!💕
there was nothing wrong with the tone of your comment! you were just playing along… it’s more fun if you guys can participate in the extreme fantasies too, without having to constantly stop to explaing that a lot of this is make-believe. just excuse me if i occasionally feel a need to point that out, for the sake of the lurkers…
LURKERS: the distinction between fantasy and reality is IMPORTANT around here, and we are assuming an intelligent audience who can tell the difference!!!
love to all,
-jan
(aka rapeslut)
(aka dogfucker)
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What I was thinking of when I mentioned growing 💗 your clit was the method EuroSlut (EuroSlut.club) has been using employing topical testosterone to grow hers. She reports that it 😃 greatly increases her lustful feelings!! So more excitable yes. According to her.
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january josephine 
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